Substance Abuse Resources and Information >
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| ©2008 Stoughton Youth Commission, all rights reserved Webmaster Email: KFoley@Stoughton-MA.gov |
Purpose
The parent/child contract is a tool to provide an incentive for your teenager to avoid illegal
substances, or to terminate the use of illegal substances if that is already occurring.
>A formal contract helps to clearly define your mutual expectations for abstinence from illegal
substances, and outlines consequences for chemical use.
>Once the contract is initiated, any chemical use brings your child into violation of the contract
and into conflict with their choice to use an illegal substance.
Why Do Parent/Child Contracts Work?
Teenagers believe that they have absolute power and control over their world. When they work
with you to develop a contract, they generally sign it out of a sincere belief that they are in
control of their chemical use.
>If they are able to refrain from chemical use, the contract has worked.
>If they are unable to refrain from chemical use, then the contract works by revealing their denial
about chemical use.
Important Contract Guidelines for Parents
>Keep your contract simple. It only needs to contain four elements:
1. Date of agreement
2. Clear expectation of the child abstaining from all illegal substances
3. Clear consequences for violation of contract
4. Signatures of all parties agreeing to contract
> Follow through with the consequences of the contract.
> Use a business-like approach to the contracting process.
Action Steps for Creating a Parent/Child Contract
Before beginning the contract process with your child:
1. List all possible consequences if your teen violates the contract.
2. List all the reasons you would follow through with the consequences.
3. List the reasons your child would give for not wanting to agree to abstain from illegal
substance use or refusing to sign the contract. What will you do if your child refuses to sign a
contract agreeing to be substance-free?
4. Make an appointment to meet with your child in a place free from distractions (i.e.,TV,
phone, friends, siblings, etc.). Allow one hour.
As you begin the contract process:
5. Clearly outline your position on the use of illegal substances and share your honest
concerns with your child.
6. Tell your children that you will always give them a safe, calm ride home with no discussion
or questions until the following day.
7. Ask your children to name other caring adults in their life that they believe would help
them if asked.
8. Write out the contract with your child. The goal of the contract is not to make them feel
trapped, but rather, to let them make choices, knowing what the consequences will be if they
choose to use illegal substances.
9. Make one copy of the contract for you and one for your child. You must both sign the copies.
Give your child a copy at the end of your meeting.
10. DISENGAGE! Don’t bring up other issues. Once the contract has been signed, the meeting is
over. Back off and let the contract take effect.
Action steps following the contract process:
> Do not lecture about the contract. Constant reference to the contract will build anger and
resentment in your child.
> Monitor your child’s behavior and activities.
> If your intuition tells you something is wrong, it probably is. There is no need to wait for proof
Trust your instincts. Act now!
> Enforce the contract. If your child violates the contract, enforce the consequences immediately!
Do not allow your child to renegotiate the terms after the contract has been violated.
> Use escalating consequences. Start with one of the least-severe consequences and increase
severity as necessary. If the contract is violated and a consequence has been instituted, then
negotiate a new contract with a more severe consequence.
Sample Consequences
(choose consequences that are meaningful to your child)
> Lose use of car, cell phone, TV, iPod, video games, computer, etc.
> Earlier curfew time
> Grounding from going out with friends or having friends visit
> Get chemical dependency evaluation
> Participate in random drug testing
> Participate in drug education program
> Participate in chemical dependency treatment program
> Resign from extra-curricular activities
> Lose driver’s license
> Parent will turn child in to school or police
The #1 reason kids choose to refrain from illegal substance use is because they don’t want to
disappoint their parents. Talk to your kids today!
Examples of Parent/Child Contracts
By signing this contract, I (child’s name) agree to remain alcohol, tobacco, and drug-
free. If I violate this contract, I agree to (insert consequence here)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________ ______________________________
SIGNATURE OF CHILD SIGNATURE OF PARENT
By signing this contract, I (child’s name) agree to the following:
1. To remain alcohol, tobacco, and drug-free.
2. To not be present at parties or other gatherings where alcohol, tobacco, and drugs are being
used or sold.
3. To call you, or another caring adult, for a ride home if I am ever in a situation that threatens my
safety, and we will defer discussion about that situation until both of us can have a calm and
caring conversation.
Besides you, I feel comfortable calling the following person(s):
If I violate this contract, I agree to (insert consequence here)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________ ______________________________
SIGNATURE OF CHILD SIGNATURE OF PARENT
The parent/child contract is a tool to provide an incentive for your teenager to avoid illegal
substances, or to terminate the use of illegal substances if that is already occurring.
>A formal contract helps to clearly define your mutual expectations for abstinence from illegal
substances, and outlines consequences for chemical use.
>Once the contract is initiated, any chemical use brings your child into violation of the contract
and into conflict with their choice to use an illegal substance.
Why Do Parent/Child Contracts Work?
Teenagers believe that they have absolute power and control over their world. When they work
with you to develop a contract, they generally sign it out of a sincere belief that they are in
control of their chemical use.
>If they are able to refrain from chemical use, the contract has worked.
>If they are unable to refrain from chemical use, then the contract works by revealing their denial
about chemical use.
Important Contract Guidelines for Parents
>Keep your contract simple. It only needs to contain four elements:
1. Date of agreement
2. Clear expectation of the child abstaining from all illegal substances
3. Clear consequences for violation of contract
4. Signatures of all parties agreeing to contract
> Follow through with the consequences of the contract.
> Use a business-like approach to the contracting process.
Action Steps for Creating a Parent/Child Contract
Before beginning the contract process with your child:
1. List all possible consequences if your teen violates the contract.
2. List all the reasons you would follow through with the consequences.
3. List the reasons your child would give for not wanting to agree to abstain from illegal
substance use or refusing to sign the contract. What will you do if your child refuses to sign a
contract agreeing to be substance-free?
4. Make an appointment to meet with your child in a place free from distractions (i.e.,TV,
phone, friends, siblings, etc.). Allow one hour.
As you begin the contract process:
5. Clearly outline your position on the use of illegal substances and share your honest
concerns with your child.
6. Tell your children that you will always give them a safe, calm ride home with no discussion
or questions until the following day.
7. Ask your children to name other caring adults in their life that they believe would help
them if asked.
8. Write out the contract with your child. The goal of the contract is not to make them feel
trapped, but rather, to let them make choices, knowing what the consequences will be if they
choose to use illegal substances.
9. Make one copy of the contract for you and one for your child. You must both sign the copies.
Give your child a copy at the end of your meeting.
10. DISENGAGE! Don’t bring up other issues. Once the contract has been signed, the meeting is
over. Back off and let the contract take effect.
Action steps following the contract process:
> Do not lecture about the contract. Constant reference to the contract will build anger and
resentment in your child.
> Monitor your child’s behavior and activities.
> If your intuition tells you something is wrong, it probably is. There is no need to wait for proof
Trust your instincts. Act now!
> Enforce the contract. If your child violates the contract, enforce the consequences immediately!
Do not allow your child to renegotiate the terms after the contract has been violated.
> Use escalating consequences. Start with one of the least-severe consequences and increase
severity as necessary. If the contract is violated and a consequence has been instituted, then
negotiate a new contract with a more severe consequence.
Sample Consequences
(choose consequences that are meaningful to your child)
> Lose use of car, cell phone, TV, iPod, video games, computer, etc.
> Earlier curfew time
> Grounding from going out with friends or having friends visit
> Get chemical dependency evaluation
> Participate in random drug testing
> Participate in drug education program
> Participate in chemical dependency treatment program
> Resign from extra-curricular activities
> Lose driver’s license
> Parent will turn child in to school or police
The #1 reason kids choose to refrain from illegal substance use is because they don’t want to
disappoint their parents. Talk to your kids today!
Examples of Parent/Child Contracts
By signing this contract, I (child’s name) agree to remain alcohol, tobacco, and drug-
free. If I violate this contract, I agree to (insert consequence here)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________ ______________________________
SIGNATURE OF CHILD SIGNATURE OF PARENT
By signing this contract, I (child’s name) agree to the following:
1. To remain alcohol, tobacco, and drug-free.
2. To not be present at parties or other gatherings where alcohol, tobacco, and drugs are being
used or sold.
3. To call you, or another caring adult, for a ride home if I am ever in a situation that threatens my
safety, and we will defer discussion about that situation until both of us can have a calm and
caring conversation.
Besides you, I feel comfortable calling the following person(s):
If I violate this contract, I agree to (insert consequence here)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________ ______________________________
SIGNATURE OF CHILD SIGNATURE OF PARENT
| Parent/Child Contract to Abstain from Illegal Substance Use |
Source: Tonka Cares! http://tonkacares.org/pdf/ParentToolKit.pdf
O.A.S.I.S.